Life and Depression Part 2

Written by on June 6, 2018

I live with depression. Everyday I wake up and I make a conscious choice to be here. Each day I search to find motivation to continue another day. Here is my testament to what is truly sacred to me and how I deal with depression.

Most wouldn’t know my struggle because of the work I do and attitude I carry. My work and attitude are my medicine. I do personal development work because each day I am personally developping. Imperfect at best and accepting it fully and with less shame.

I am admired and admonished for my intensity and passion. The source of which is my soul contract with life. On most days I rather not be here. So I must conjure up all my life force to choose aliveness, daily. If I am choosing life, its because I am committing to creating a better place and serving my soul contract.

I am sick of the script, the pretending, the politics, the ego and greed. I am sick of the lack of integrity, the hoarding, small stories and power over. I’m sick of it all. The source of my depression. Seperation.

So I direct my Divine fire and focus to everything I consider Sacred and Holy, giving life, my life, to all I consider true and in service to the highest good, in service to Love. Unity.

Some people can witness all this from the outside and label it “ambition”. Even those I am dying to respect and be respected by, those that I want to look to as my inspired leaders, yet fail to see the true me. They judge my personality, size and raw power and THINK my “ambition” is ego based. How cute! How I long for them to feel me and align w my heart instead of fearing its’ fire.

My ambition is rooted solely in the fact that there is no time, opportunity or words to waste. That we are in the 11th hour and that each one of us has the opportunity (and responsibility) to shift our vibrational blue print away from fear and control, and in doing so, shift the vibrational signature of this planet. To allow organic, orgasmic flow of Love to resonate through us all as inspired vessels, beyond convention and conjecture, is the reason for the raging bells.

Some see my force and passion as confrontational or bullish. What they fail to see though, where they fail to go beyond the egoic story, is the purity and integrity of my heart dedicated to transformation and the willingness of offering all that I am in sacrifice.

I am sick of the limited beliefs, especially from those weilding power and harnessing energy as spiritual masters. How serious they take themselves and their stuffy conventions that garner back to the times when mystic spirituality had to be hidden, for only the worthy initiate had the honor of receiving such sacred downloads.

I want to shake these masters and inject in their watery hearts the urgency and wakefulness of the time and place we are living. Remind them that this is not a time for select transmission but a time for mass communication and empowering those with pure hearts and inspired souls.

The planet is awakening. And with that we need empowered allies in every corner of the planet exponentially affecting souls globally, feeling supported and seen.

Momentum is flowing from the center of the galaxy down into our planet’s core, quietly awakening the hearts of the sleeping and half dead. Are we ready? Are we doing enough? Or are we still negotiating, making sure that our own plates are full and our territories protected? We all need a dose of “awakening” or “remembering”. Get the salts, because this place can hypnotically sink even our best back into a sleepy haze.

This time is calling for passion and rewilding.

This is what keeps me alive. This is what is healing me. The alignment of my soul call with the current social climate. And no convention, protocol or waiver will stop me from being in my full expression and full service, for this would only contribute to the darkest voices deviating me from soul purpose and ultimately my vibrational dissapearance from this plane.

So no, I do not accept the conventions of limited stories of ego and identity politics because I serve a far greater power than reason and rational.

I am serving the force of Love: That word used to keep people brain-tied to empty concepts, and manipulation. I serve unadulterated raw passionate Love. Love that selflessly bleeds for awakening, ruthless authentity and rewilding.

I serve transformation, in tribe, alone or in emptiness. And for this I will never apologize.

And for transformation to arrive, we must collectively face our fears, and our reflected and refracted stories of self to focus the force of our divine will (which is dying to pour through us), to authentically serve the return of Love.

For unless I am passionately loving, I am quietly dying, and I have no reason to go away quietly into the dark during this time and place, for my soul chose to be here and has wisdom beyond my comprehension (or yours).

My voice, my passion and my will ARE in service to the highest good whether or not it is seen or understood.

Convention holds no spiritual authority over me, only very limited illusionary terrestrial control.

My will is Divine. My ambition is service. My Love is Pure. My life chosen.

This is how I am dealing with depression on the daily, in a world that can barely understand me.

Ty for reading me.

Photo: Birth of the New Man
Salvador Dali 1943


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